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Five-Year Plan
[ Forwarded by landoc ]
 The European
Union Commissioners announced today that agreement has been reached to
adopt English as the preferred language standard for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As
part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year
phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish.
In the first
year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. Also, the hard "c"
will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up
konfusion but keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be
growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome
"ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third
year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the
stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkourage the removal of double leters which have always been a deterent
to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the fourth
year peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz
yer ze unesesary "o" or "u" can be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to
ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz
yer ve vill hav a sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or
difikultis, and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vill
finali kum tru.
Thirteen
[ Forwarded by Katisha ]
A
guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears
all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”
Quite curious about
this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes
him in the eye and, almost immediately, everyone inside the asylum
starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”
Why Ignorance
Rises to the Executive Level
[ Forwarded by Trawler Travis
]
First,
three axioms:
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1 Knowledge is
Power
2 Time is Money
3 Power = Work/Time (as every engineer knows) |
Therefore, by
substitution it follows that:
Solving for Money,
we get:
Thus Money
approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches zero, regardless of Work
done.
Which means: The
Less You Know, the More You Make.
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