Being the
proprietor of a thriving business (I sell second-hand underground
religious magazines), I believe I am admirably placed to offer the devout
Bikwil reader invaluable guidance on how to become a successful
entrepreneur.
Before
anything else, what you’ve got to do is borrow enough to buy a luxury
retirement villa abroad — preferably a place with which Australia has no
extradition treaty. (According to my sources, one will soon become
available in Majorca.) Having acquired same, you’ll be home and hosed no
matter what goes amiss in Australia.
Next,
find a lawyer and doctor who have both become accustomed to a lavish
lifestyle. That way, if your ventures fail and put too much strain on you,
you’ll be able to produce all manner of reliable evidence (photos, videos
. . .) as to your delicate condition. A mental and physical state so
frail, indeed, that it will legally prevent you and your family from ever
leaving your overseas retreat, no matter how persuasive the invitation.
Now to
get rich fast, so as to pay back that loan — or least to give the
impression that you intend to. For this I recommend selling out-of-the-way
blocks of land, by offering too-cheap-to-be-true finance yourself.
And don’t
forget to write a book. Call it something like Quick March to
Prosperity through Real Estate. Advertise it on the Internet and on
midnight-to-dawn commercial TV.
From then
on, you may lie back and offer yourself up to a life of unbridled pleasure
— all with my apostolic blessing.
