|
 Now
you didn’t think, did you, that I’d ignore this funny line from a
brochure for an Italian hotel on the back page of the previous issue?
This
hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all
over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Signs,
too, are a wonderful source of humour. Alas, they’re only occasionally
deliberate, and much more likely to be unintentional, as the above
example and Bikwil’s series Spellbound show. Today we have
a look at both types.
Of the
deliberate ones, many are graffiti and to a lot of people quite
objectionable, so I thought you might like to smile at some of the rare
non-scatological ones:
[In a
shoe store window:]
We
Give You a Fit and Serve You Right
[Outside
a Sydney chemist shop in a building being renovated:]
Bismuth
as Usual
[Outside
a San Antonio Food Store:]
Shoplifters
Will Be Beaten, Stabbed and Stomped. Survivors Will Be Prosecuted.
[Under a
slogan on a wall calling for the release from gaol of Norman Gallagher
(a notorious Melbourne union leader in the 70s and 80s) and reading
"Free Norm":]
In Every
Packet
But it’s
the unconscious errors in signs that give us the most fun, and none more
so than those composed by people in foreign lands who are insufficiently
versed in English — which is where Pink Shell-like at last comes
in.
Did you
know, by the way, what they call such usage? You’ve heard of Franglais,
of course; well, now meet Engrish — presumably so called after
the Japanese difficulty with the English “l”.
But
before I get on to Engrish, I should quickly mention advertising humour.
You’re all familiar with examples of such phenomena so you need little
reminding of them here. Except, maybe, for some classified ads that I
picked from various places around the Internet:
For sale
by owner, Encyclopedia Britannica, excellent condition. No longer
needed. Husband knows everything.
Our
bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!
Wanted.
Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Illiterate?
Write today for help.
One more
digression before the foreign inadvertences I’m keeping you from —
unintentional funny signs from English-speaking countries:
Eat Here
and Get Gas
Don’t
kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
Would the
person who took the step ladder yesterday bring it back, or further
steps will be taken.
Finally:
The
Manager Has Personally Passed All the Water Served Here
[Hotel,
Acapulco]
Ladies
Are Requested Not to Have Children in the Bar
[Cocktail
lounge, Norway]
The Lift
is Being Fixed for the Next Day. During That Time we Regret that You
Will Be Unbearable.
[Bucharest
hotel lobby]
Because
of the Impropriety of Entertaining Guests of the Opposite Sex in the
Bedroom, It Is Suggested that the Lobby Be Used for This Purpose
[Hotel,
Zurich]
In Case
of Fire, Do Your Utmost to Alarm the Hotel Porter
[Hotel,
Vienna]
We Take
Your Bags and Send Them in All Directions
[Airline
ticket office, Copenhagen]
Drop
Your Trousers Here for the Best Results
[Dry
cleaner’s, Bangkok]
Please
Do Not Spit Too Loud
[Malaysia]
Please
Take Care of the Sleeping Grass
[Somewhere
in Asia]
Guests
Are Requested Not to Smoke or Do Other Disgusting Behaviours in Bed
[Tokyo
hotel’s rules and regulations]
When
Passenger of Foot Heave in Sight, Tootle the Horn. Trumpet Him
Melodiously at First, but if He Still Obstacles Your Passage Then Tootle
Him with Vigor.
[Driver’s
training brochure for foreigners, Tokyo] |
