Not
long after that column was published, OLM
vanished in a flash of auto-combustive energy
and hasn’t been seen or heard of since. Till
last Thursday, that is, when I tripped over him
in a storm-water channel. He describes his
absence (in the age-old flapdoodling style of
the true clairvoyant) as “a cleansing pilgrimage
into the dark neverland of unprediction”.
And
now tells me that he wants to send me more
divination, this time in the form of readings
from the stars. When I put the idea to the
editor, his immediate verdict, announced with
some force, that horoscopes will make no more
than an sporadic appearance in this column — if
even that. In the end we compromised: if the
planetary alignments are favourable he’ll allow
something by OLM each July. “With any luck we
will have collided with Mars before the first
horoscope appears.”
Unlike
other soothsayers, OLM will be reading two
zodiacal signs and laying out the future for
readers who believe his words apply to them.
Whew! At this rate, we should get through the
twelve in six years’ time.
And
what are these twelve? Well, OLM won’t disclose
which months each applies to, but he is willing
to give you foreknowledge of their names and the
planets influencing them. (According to OLM, the
three marked * are “fixed signs”, a fact that
should bring great cosmic joy to us all.)
